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Important
Decisions
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"It’s
so hard to make decisions for others. We were lucky that
Daddy talked to us and put his wishes down on paper.
When the time came, we knew exactly what he wanted. We
were spared all the doubts my friends have gone through.
Daddy really took care of us by planning ahead."
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Death
and dying are not topics we talk about easily in our culture.
As a general rule, in fact, we avoid them, almost as if
to talk about them would bring on a premature demise. As
a result, many families are unaware of their loved one’s
wishes at the end of life and are faced with making difficult
decisions. This can lead to family discord and can make a
trying situation even harder than it already is.
Norene’s father, Richard,
showed caring and foresight in planning ahead. He thought about
what "quality of life" meant to him.
Reflecting on what made life worth living helped him to make decisions about
life support issues. (It also helped Richard and his family maximize the things
that gave him pleasure!) After clarifying his own values, Richard was able to
write an advance directive, a document that stated his wishes concerning health care decisions
in case he was unable to speak for himself. He talked with his
family about his wishes and asked his eldest son to be his health
care representative if a situation came up that was not covered
in the advance directive. By planning ahead, Richard was able
to lay the groundwork for things to unfold the way he would
have wanted them to.
In addition to health care planning,
Richard took steps to plan his finances.
When he began to have difficulty getting to the bank, he gave
his daughter Norene "durable power of attorney." He
was able to continue making financial decisions on his own,
but this simple document legally allowed Norene to step in and
handle his affairs during those times when he was too ill to
do so himself. Richard prepared documents stating his wishes
for how his belongings were to be distributed. He was also mindful
of the fact that medical expenses could eat up the resources
he did have and leave very little for his wife to live on afterward.
With some planning, Richard was able to protect his assets and
safeguard his wife’s security.
Not all patients are able to make
these kinds of decisions ahead of time. Many need help from
family members who can assure the patient that it’s okay
to talk about these things and, in fact, would be helpful for
the family if they were discussed. Ideally, all of us adults
would have documents stating our desires for the distribution
of our belongings and the handling of our medical care at the
end of life. After all, any one of us could get in an accident
tomorrow! These decisions especially need to be made when a
serious illness has been diagnosed, and the sooner the better
while the patient still has the ability to think and communicate
clearly. To help you, we have tips to start
the conversation about planning. Although it can be
awkward at first, families who do have these discussions fare
a lot better emotionally at the end, not having to guess and
knowing they are doing what their loved one wanted them to do. |
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This website is sponsored by Lower Valley Hospice and Palliative Care, providing compassionate care and support
to the seriously ill and their families since 1978. |
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