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Important
Decisions
| | | |  | | "It’s
so hard to make decisions for others. We were lucky that
Daddy talked to us and put his wishes down on paper. When
the time came, we knew exactly what he wanted. We were
spared all the doubts my friends have gone through. Daddy
really took care of us by planning ahead."
| | | | |
Serious
illness, death and dying are not topics we talk about easily
in our culture. As a general rule, in fact, we avoid them, almost
as if to talk about them would cause them to happen. As a result,
many families are unaware of their loved one’s wishes and
are faced with making difficult decisions in stressful circumstances.
This can lead to family discord and can make a trying situation
even harder than it already is.
Sheila’s
father, Richard, showed caring and foresight in planning ahead.
He thought about what "quality
of life" meant to him. Reflecting on what made
life worth living helped him to make decisions about life support
issues. (It also helped Richard and his family maximize the
things that gave him pleasure!) After clarifying his own values,
Richard was able to write an advance directive, a document that
stated his wishes concerning health
care decisions in case he was unable to speak for himself.
He talked with his family about his wishes and asked his eldest
son to be his health care representative if a situation came
up that was not covered in the advance directive. By planning
ahead, Richard was able to lay the groundwork for things to
unfold the way he would have wanted them to.
In
addition to health care planning, Richard took steps to plan
his finances. When he began to have difficulty getting
to the bank, he gave his daughter Sheila "durable power
of attorney." He was able to continue making financial
decisions on his own, but this simple document legally allowed
Sheila to step in and handle his affairs during those times
when he was too ill to do so himself. Richard prepared documents
stating his wishes for how his belongings were to be distributed.
He was also mindful of the fact that medical expenses could
eat up the resources he did have and leave very little for his
wife to live on afterward. With some planning, Richard was able
to protect his assets and safeguard his wife’s security.
Not all patients are able
to make these kinds of decisions ahead of time. Many need help
from family members who can assure the patient that it’s
okay to talk about these things and, in fact, would be helpful
for the family if they were discussed. Ideally, all of us adults
would have documents stating our desires for the distribution
of our belongings and the handling of our medical care at the
end of life. After all, any one of us could get in an accident
tomorrow! These decisions especially need to be made when a
serious illness has been diagnosed, and the sooner the better
while the patient still has the ability to think and communicate
clearly. To help you, we have tips
to start the conversation about planning.
Although it can be awkward at first, families who do have these
discussions fare a lot better emotionally at the end, not having
to guess and knowing they are doing what their loved one wanted
them to do. | | | | | | | |
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