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Important
Decisions
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"It’s
so hard to make decisions for others. We were lucky
that Daddy talked to us and put his wishes down on
paper. When the time came, we knew exactly what he
wanted. We were spared all the doubts my friends have
gone through. Daddy really took care of us by planning
ahead." |
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Death and dying are not topics
we talk about easily in our culture. As a general rule, in fact,
we avoid them, almost as if to talk about them would bring on
a premature demise. As a result, many families are unaware of
their loved one’s wishes at the end of life and are faced
with making difficult decisions. This can lead to family discord
and can make a trying situation even harder than it already
is.
Sheila’s father, Richard,
showed caring and foresight in planning ahead. He wrote out
an advance directive, a document that stated his wishes concerning
end of life health care decisions
in case he was unable to speak for himself. He talked with his
family about his wishes and asked his eldest son to be his health
care representative if a situation came up that was not covered
in the advance directive. He also asked his doctor to prepare
a POLST form, which gave instructions
to medical personnel so they would know about the kinds of care
options Richard wanted at the end of his life. By planning ahead,
he was able to lay the groundwork for things to unfold the way
he would have wanted them to.
In addition to health care planning,
Richard took steps to plan his finances. When he began to have
difficulty getting to the bank, he gave his daughter Sheila
"power of attorney."
He was able to continue making financial decisions on his own,
but this simple document legally allowed Sheila to step in and
handle his affairs during those times when he was too ill to
do so himself. Richard prepared documents stating his wishes
for how his belongings were to be distributed. He was also mindful
of the fact that medical expenses could eat up the resources
he did have and leave very little for his wife to live on afterward.
With some estate planning,
Richard was able to protect his assets and safeguard his wife’s
security.
Not all patients are able to make
these kinds of decisions ahead of time. Many need help from
family members who can assure the patient that it’s okay
to talk about these things and, in fact, would be helpful for
the family if they were discussed. Ideally, all of us adults
would have documents stating our desires for the distribution
of our belongings and the handling of our medical care at the
end of life. After all, any one of us could get in an accident
tomorrow! These decisions especially need to be made when a
serious illness has been diagnosed, and the sooner the better
while the patient still has the ability to think and communicate
clearly. To help you, we have tips
to start the conversation about planning. Although it
can be awkward at first, families who do have these discussions
fare a lot better emotionally at the end, not having to guess
and knowing they are doing what their loved one wanted them
to do. |
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